i need an iv and a liver transplant
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
