I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
