before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
