im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
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