Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
