hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
