well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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