alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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