Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
