I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
