I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
