he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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