What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
