So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I enjoy the company of your penis
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
