But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
