Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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