This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
