You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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