just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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