Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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