The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
