Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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