Michael Bay diarrhea
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
