standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
