I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
