did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
