Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
