just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
