why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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