If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
