I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
