sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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