it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
