i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
