I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
