I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
i out mim tonsoeep
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
