so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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