Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
