How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
