Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
