Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
