I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
and she was petting her beer can
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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