so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
