I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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