all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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