why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
