Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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