Having a random hookup so left but love u
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
being pregnant is like rehab
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
