I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
