i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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