I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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