coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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